Being a parent is hard, and it doesn’t get any easier when your kids become teenagers. There’s a saying that you’re only ever as happy as your unhappiest child – and many parents would agree. When our child is struggling, we often feel it deeply too. It’s not uncommon to experience stress, shame, hopelessness, or anxiety, especially when you feel judged or powerless to help.
You may feel overwhelmed or as though you’re constantly getting it wrong. But before you compare yourself to that “together” parent on social media, pause. There’s always someone who seems to have it easier than you, and someone who has it harder.
You Can’t Fix Everything
When our kids are little, it’s often easier to solve problems for them. But as they grow, it becomes more complex, emotionally and practically. One of the hardest parenting lessons is accepting that we can’t always fix things. And that’s OK.
Your role isn’t to take away every difficulty. It’s to support your child as they learn to manage it themselves. Remember: no one is happy all the time, and that’s true for our teens, too.
Start With You
As a parent, you spend a significant amount of time caring for others. But when your own mental health is stretched thin, it becomes harder to care for anyone, including your child.
Focusing on your wellbeing isn’t selfish – it’s essential. Counsellors often use the “oxygen mask” analogy: you need to put yours on first before helping others. If you’re running on empty, you’re more likely to feel resentful, reactive, or burned out – and that doesn’t help you or your teen.
Looking after yourself also sends a powerful message to your child: I matter too. When your teen sees you taking time to rest and recharge, they learn that self-care is something they’re also allowed to do. And that can be a game changer.
Set Boundaries (Yes, Even With Your Teen)
You don’t need to be available 24/7. You don’t have to be up at all hours. Saying “not right now” is not only OK – it’s necessary. It protects your energy, models healthy boundaries, and helps your child learn patience and independence.
Teenagers are supposed to be pulling away a little and becoming more responsible. Let them. That means encouraging them to get themselves to school, manage their homework, and make decisions. Offer guidance and a supportive environment – but allow them space to figure things out.
You’re not responsible for everything they do. They are separate from you, and that’s part of growing up.
It’s a Long Game
There are no quick fixes. Parenting teens is a process marked by both highs and lows. Try not to catastrophise. Most of the time, the worst-case scenario doesn’t happen. Teens are incredibly resilient, and they bounce back more than we give them credit for.
Instead of focusing only on what’s wrong, involve them in finding solutions. Collaborate, don’t control. And remind yourself (and them): if you can’t change the situation, you can change how you respond to it.
Fill Your Cup
It’s OK to find the small joys and comforts that help you feel better. Here are a few simple ways to recharge:
- Have an adult night in – Send the kids for a sleepover and enjoy a takeaway and your favourite film.
- Plan an adult night out – Dinner, a film, a walk, or a solo coffee can do wonders.
- Take 15 minutes to yourself after work – Great for teens, too.
- Try some ‘do not disturb’ time – Whether it’s a bath or a walk, it’s your time.
- Consider therapy for yourself – A space just for you can make all the difference.
If these sound hard, try to notice what gets in the way. Is it time? Money? Guilt? Ask yourself if you’re carrying responsibilities that aren’t yours. And remember: your needs matter too.
Need Some Support?
If any of this resonates with you, you are not alone, and Holding Space can help you see the parenting wood for the trees.
